Wives make a king-size bed feel like a single bed. Katlego loved his wife. But every night, he found himself fighting for survival in what should have been his peaceful, king-size slumber. It was a warzone. A battlefield. A place where he was reduced to clinging onto the edge of the mattress like a chancer hanging onto a moving Metrorail cart.
It started with the “side of the bed” rule. His wife had declared—with confidence—that she only needed her side. But the moment they got into bed, she migrated like a Joburg taxi during peak hour, straight into his space.
“Babe, why do you have a whole side but you’re sleeping on my ribs?” Katlego groaned.
“Eish, I just feel safer here,” she mumbled, already half asleep.
He sighed, already knowing resistance was futile. But then came The Duvet Heist.
At first, they both started off under the covers, equal citizens of warmth and comfort. But as the night went on, Katlego woke up to a disturbing realization—he was shaking like a generator during loadshedding. Wifey had somehow wrapped herself like a McDonald’s Foldover in the duvet, leaving him with a single, useless corner that barely covered his big toe.
“Babe! Share the blanket, man!” he whispered aggressively, trying to tug it back.
“Hmm? Nooo, babe, you’re just hot-blooded, you don’t need it,” she murmured, stealing more fabric in her sleep.
Katlego sighed. He had two options: suffer in silence or attempt a risky midnight counterattack. He chose the latter. Slowly, he began pulling the duvet back—millimeter by millimeter—careful not to wake her. Just when he had recovered a fair portion of the warmth…
WHOOSH!
Wifey did a sudden, unconscious rollover and yanked the whole thing back. Katlego almost flew off the bed.
Katlego figured he’d try and sneak out and go to sleep more comfortably in another room. And there she was, cuddling back next to him.
Morning arrived, and with it, The Final Betrayal.
Katlego stretched, bones creaking from the night’s struggles, as he watched his wife suddenly jump out of bed faster than a car guard jumps behind your car when they see you reversing out of a parking spot.
“Hai, why you waking up so fast?” he asked suspiciously.
“I just remembered the rule, babe,” she said sweetly, already halfway to the bathroom. “Last one out of bed makes the bed!”
Katlego collapsed back onto the mattress, groaning in defeat. He had lost another battle.
I guess this is what the vows meant when they said “for better or for worse.” ‘Til blankets do us part.
[End]
Welcome to South Africa – Jou Ma Se Boek
Welcome to South Africa – Jou Ma se Boek includes an A4 book, with an enamel cup, packaged in a premium box. It’s a coffee table book that details the extraordinary life of an ordinary South African. Personal deliveries (JHB, PTA, Midrand) will include the shopping bag.
326 in stock (can be backordered)
