It was a sunny Saturday afternoon in Bryanston, and Katlego was ironing his best suit. The occasion? A prestigious event known only in whispers and inside WhatsApp groups: The Annual Side Chick Graduation Gala.
Katlego was not just a regular attendee; he was a VIP. As a seasoned relationship juggler, he had three nominees in various categories. He parked his yellow BMW in front of the community hall and adjusted his sunglasses. This was his Oscars of Side-Chick-nicity.
The hall was decorated in gold and black — the unofficial colours of sneaky love affairs. The DJ was spinning old-school R&B tracks, setting the mood for nostalgia and scandal. A banner above the stage read: “Recognizing Excellence in Discreet Affairs”
Katlego strutted inside, nodding at familiar faces. He spotted Dineo, who was up for Best New Side Chick. She waved at him enthusiastically, and he quickly ducked, pretending not to see. She doesn’t know about Lerato, he thought, wiping sweat from his brow.
The host, a flamboyant man named Thabo in a glittering suit, took the stage and began hyping up the crowd.
“Ladies and gentlemen, situationships and entanglements, welcome to the Side Chick Graduation Gala! Tonight, we celebrate the unspoken heroes who hold things together when the main chick is busy at church or work!”
The crowd erupted in cheers and laughter. Katlego took his seat near the front, flanked by two of his nominees who didn’t know about each other. Awkward.
Category 1: Most Faithful Side Chick
Thabo called the nominees, and the crowd went wild as they walked onstage. The winner was a shy woman named Zanele, who proudly accepted her certificate.
“Zanele has never once aired dirty laundry on social media. A true queen of discretion!” Thabo announced, handing her a bouquet of flowers.
Zanele giggled and gave a humble wave. Katlego clapped nervously, remembering how she had once refused a Valentine’s Day gift because “it wasn’t her day.”
Category 2: Best New Side Chick
Katlego’s heart raced as Dineo’s name was called. She took to the stage like she was accepting a Grammy.
“Wow, um, I’d like to thank Katlego for believing in me,” she said into the mic, her voice trembling with emotion.
Katlego sank lower in his seat as murmurs rippled through the crowd.
Category 3: Most Drama-Free Side Chick
Lerato, Katlego’s other nominee, took this one home. She smiled as she accepted her award, saying, “No screenshots, no pop-ups, no late-night drama. I just keep it moving!”
Katlego felt a pang of pride. “That’s my girl,” he whispered, though he quickly shut up when Dineo shot him a look.
Category 4: Side Chick of the Year
This was the big one. The hall went silent as Thabo opened the envelope.
“And the winner is… Portia!”
Portia sashayed to the stage, looking like a queen. Katlego’s jaw dropped. Portia was his former side chick, now his main chick, and she had just dethroned herself by graduating to the top spot.
“Wow,” Portia said into the mic, tears in her eyes. “I started from the DMs, and now I’m here!”
The crowd gave her a standing ovation. Meanwhile, Katlego slumped in his chair, knowing that his entire operation was about to collapse.
As the gala wrapped up, Katlego tried to slip out unnoticed, but Dineo and Lerato cornered him in the parking lot.
“So, Katlego,” Dineo said, arms crossed. “Care to explain why you were clapping extra hard for Portia?”
“Yeah,” Lerato chimed in. “And why is my name saved as ‘Plumber’ in your phone?”
Katlego stammered, looking for an escape route. But as the women closed in, he knew the truth: this was the last Side Chick Gala he’d ever attend.
Some pandemics, like mojolo, are better left uncelebrated.
He thought, “Who needs Jub Jub when you’ve got the Annual Side Chick Graduation Gala?”
[The End]
Welcome to South Africa – Jou Ma Se Boek
Welcome to South Africa – Jou Ma se Boek includes an A4 book, with an enamel cup, packaged in a premium box. It’s a coffee table book that details the extraordinary life of an ordinary South African. Personal deliveries (JHB, PTA, Midrand) will include the shopping bag.
326 in stock (can be backordered)
