So, Katlego has always considered himself young at heart. The type of guy who still wore the latest sneakers, a playlist full of Amapiano, Trap, and the occasional Kwaito hit when he was feeling like a taste of Kasi. He even knew all the TikTok dances… well, most of them. Okay, like two. Honestly, maybe he knew what they looked like, but could never do the actual dances himself. But in his head? He was one of the laaities.
I mean, he was still young enough to remember the names of all his MXit crushes: Xx_DarkAngel_xX, SxyChik_123, Cutie_Gurl, and AngelEyez.
But then again, he’s been on social media since back when emojis were called emoticons.
One Sunday afternoon, Katlego was walking down his street, headed to the spaza to grab an Apple Munch and a packet of NikNaks. The irony? His ‘youthfulness’ was as consistent as the price of R1 Nik Naks.
As he turned the corner, he passed a bunch of kids playing street soccer. Proper vibes — bricks for goalposts, one half-deflated ball, lots of shouting, and one kid who insisted he was “The Kasi Messi.”
Suddenly, the game stopped.
“Woooah, guys, wait! Grootman wants to pass!” one of the boys shouted.
Katlego paused mid-step. He was also ready to clear space for this “Grootman” that the kids referred to.
“… Who? Grootman? Me? Really?” he thought to himself.
The kids all moved aside, respectfully. One even nodded and said, “Sharp, Grootman,” like Katlego was a local councillor or something. Katlego chuckled awkwardly and walked through the make-shift soccer pitch, but inside, his soul was crumbling.
“Grootman? Me?”
He thought back to the signs — the time he grunted when sitting down, his increasing use of Eno after every meal, and how he recently told a teenager, “That hairstyle won’t get you a job.” Worst of all? He now kept receipts. On purpose!
Some receipts even got him in trouble. Like the one receipt that showed 6 Coronas and 2 Savannas. His wife still wonders who the two Savannas belonged to. But, anyway…
Still stunned, Katlego reached the spaza. The cashier greeted him with a casual, “How’s it, Grootman?”
Twice in one day.
Katlego didn’t even get the Apple Munch. He walked home with his NikNaks, a heavy heart, and a sudden craving for Glen Rooibos and a nap.
Later that evening, he updated his WhatsApp status:
“Embrace your inner Grootman. These laaities need mentorship.”
He consoled himself by jamming some Alaska, Accused Number One. But, as he jammed, he got a text reminding him to send money for the meat and groceries stokvel payment.
That’s when he realised he had fallen harder than a main switch after plugging in a R250 iron or kettle from Marabastad.
[End]
Welcome to South Africa – Jou Ma Se Boek
Welcome to South Africa – Jou Ma se Boek includes an A4 book, with an enamel cup, packaged in a premium box. It’s a coffee table book that details the extraordinary life of an ordinary South African. Personal deliveries (JHB, PTA, Midrand) will include the shopping bag.
326 in stock (can be backordered)
