It was a crisp Saturday morning in Ga-Rankuwa, and the Thulare family had gathered in their best suits and traditional attire to represent their son, Katlego, at the lobola negotiations. You could see his crisp haircut was fresh out of Legends Barber. Spirits were high, and so was Uncle Jabulani, who’d been “warming up” with a bottle of Savanna Neat since sunrise.
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon in Bryanson, and Katlego was ironing his best suit. The occasion? A prestigious event known only in whispers and inside WhatsApp groups: The Annual Side Chick Graduation Gala.
Katlego was a small-town boy from Polokwane who’d just moved to Johannesburg, the City of Gold—AKA the City of Gold Teeth. Or, less formally known as the city of “watch your pockets when you see a guy sporting Chuck Taylor sneakers, Dickies slacks, a slanted bucket hat and a gold tooth”.
Once upon a chaotic Saturday morning in Soweto, Katlego, the deputy parent, was left in charge of his three siblings—Sipho, Zanele, and baby Nkosi. Their parents, in true South African fashion, announced, “We’re just going to Makro to grab a few things. We’ll be back now-now.” Katlego knew this meant they’d return after the sun had set, possibly with a small fleet of unnecessary Tupperware.
Things happen really fast ekasi. “Park here bozza,” said the gent in the reflector jacket.…
